wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
