can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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