Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
