first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
