I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
