go do what you do best...puke behind churches
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
