I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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