Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
