I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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