Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think i got beer on your cat.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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