I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
