Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
