Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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