I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
