Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
