I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
