life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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