I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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