He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The best revenge is premature balding
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
