Ambien. No doubt about it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
