hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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