It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
