He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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