Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
