Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
