At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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