They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
