One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
please come you make the beer taste better
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
