I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
