No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
sex in a hospital.. check
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
