just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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