absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
