True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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