dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
