Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
