me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
