i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
