Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
