im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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