so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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