In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I can text with my tongue
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
