So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
