From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Actions speak louder than pants.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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