Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
