Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
