So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
