i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
