Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
