We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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