how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
