idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
