you traded sex for a burrito?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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