I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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