I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
