Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
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I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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