yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
