It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
two words...techno handjob
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
