I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
