you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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