i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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