i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
