I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
