Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
