your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
