so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
