Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
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I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
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All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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