He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
