$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
