I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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