I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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